My Story

My name is Alyssa and I really really love sunshine.

It makes me happy and helps me feel God's love.

Many things in my life provide me with inner sunshine: a relationship with Jesus Christ, friends, family, prayer, laughter, and service. My life has been so great. I grew up in Wenatchee, WA. I am second oldest of 8 kids. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I studied Middle East Studies & Arabic at BYU. I served an LDS mission in Palmyra, NY. I love anything athletic, creative, or adventurous.

About nine months ago I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. I never thought I would have to deal with mental illness; it was very shocking and humbling. This last year has been extremely difficult trying to trudge through storms of torrential downpour and chase the sunshine.

My depression is completely chemical. I've never experienced trauma or abuse or toxic relationships. For some reason my body simply doesn't produce the chemicals it needs to stay motivated, energized, and happy. I've worked hard throughout my life to mask the symptoms, but it's progressively worsened and everything collided and crashed down this last year. I have all sorts of weaknesses that don't help the depression, and big life changes have worsened it, but really my depression has been completely out of my control.

Ever since my diagnosis I have kept a journal of thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I never intended to share them so they are very personal and honest (and only a tiny bit edited). 

My hope is that this blog will illustrate that it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to feel weak and broken and hurt. It's okay to deal with mental illness, and it's okay to get help. But it's never okay to give up and lose faith in a loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.